


Didn't I?

by byAlessandra



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reunions, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:19:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27454123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byAlessandra/pseuds/byAlessandra
Summary: Maybe he just wished that Daniel would have turned around, hugged him tight and whispered. “We got this, we will be alright.”Instead, Daniel walked right out of the door, taking Max’s bleeding heart with him.OrThe one where we follow along Max and Daniel's story through snippets, from the beginning to the end... and a restart.
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo & Max Verstappen, Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
Comments: 20
Kudos: 94





	1. I love you

**Author's Note:**

> so... I heard this song on my way to work and started writing throughout the whole day while I accounted costs...so this is most likely a whole mess, but whatever
> 
> Song: Didn't I by OneRepublic
> 
> First chapter is pretty much a songfic, second isn't
> 
> also, Daniel and Max aren't F1 drivers in this one!

_swear that I saw your face, at a coffee shop on 8_ _th_

_or maybe it was in my mind_

Daniel saw Max quite a lot of times before he ever even talked to him. He saw the guy with his dirty-blonde hair, although Daniel only rarely saw it as Max wore caps pretty much all the time - in the very beginning Daniel had no clue if he even had hair at all – almost every day at the small coffee shop near his apartment building. Maybe that’s also the reason Daniel has always connected the warm smell of coffee, mixed with the scent of wood and cinnamon, to Max. 

Despite seeing Max almost every morning for weeks, Daniel never said a word to him. He only watched from his usual place in the corner of the coffee shop, enjoying the few minutes he had to himself in the morning. He watched as Max entered the shop, watched as he placed his order – a mocha, or sometimes a cappuccino – and watched him smile at the barista.

Max had a nice smile; it lit up his whole face, transformed it even. He never stayed any longer at the shop than he needed to, the minute he got his coffee he left again. He never noticed Daniel looking at him, until one day he accidently ran into him, spilling his hot coffee all over Daniel’s clothes. That’s when blue eyes stared at Daniel for the first time, blown wide in surprise. 

“Oh my god, fuck, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you”, Max stuttered out and watched as the drink dripped from Daniel’s jacket to the floor. But for some reason, Daniel wasn’t annoyed even in the slightest. 

“Didn’t see you either, it’s okay.”, he replied. But he did see Max, all the time. It had become impossible to _not_ see him. Max now looked up at him, biting his lip in doubt. Damn, he looked adorable when he bit his lip like that. Daniel found himself staring at his lips a second longer than he should have.

“Well, now I just have to go to work and convince everyone that I _didn’t_ piss my pants.”, Daniel added, and a wide smile formed on his face when Max laughed out loud. And, damn once again, his laugh made Daniel’s stomach flutter.

_and i swear that I heard your laugh_

_from a person that walked past me at a party the other night_

The second time that Daniel actually talked to Max wasn’t at the coffee shop but a party in the harbor of Monaco. It was a warm summer night, the breeze of the ocean the only thing to cool them off. The whole place was decorated in fairy lights in all sorts of colors shining down on them, music playing from the speakers and accompanying the sounds of people talking and laughing and the water of the ocean swapping against the boats. 

This time it was true that Daniel didn’t see Max at all. But when a body fell against his, Daniel quickly reached out and wrapped his arms around the persons shoulders to keep them upright. 

“Whoops.”, Daniel smiled as he helped the guy stand again, who eventually looked up with a sheepish grin and Daniel’s heart jumped in his chest. 

“Didn’t see me, again?”, Daniel then asked while raising his eyebrows teasingly, only unwillingly letting go of Max shoulders once he was fully on his feet again.

“Sorry, I really didn’t mean to…but at least, this time I didn’t spill my drink all over you.”

Daniel had to laugh as a faint blush crept onto Max's cheeks while he shrugged his shoulders apologizingly.

“I could also say that you fell for me.”, Dan said and watched with delight as Max’s cheeks reddened further. 

“I guess?”, he mumbled and scratched his neck before looking at Daniel through his long lashes. 

“I’m Daniel.”, he eventually said and was once again was left to watch as Max’ face lit up in one of these blindingly bright smiles. 

“Max.”

_never thought we’d ever have to go without_

_take you over anybody else, hands down_

Daniel always chose Max. Over anyone and anything, he always chose him first, put him first no matter what. Daniel even put Max over himself, all the time, without even realizing. But that was just how much Max was worth to him. He was worth everything. 

God, Daniel never thought that he would be capable of being so in love with someone. If someone told him just a few months ago that he would ever be so head over heels for one person, he would have laughed in their face. Now he knew what it was like to truly be in love, to love someone in and out without ever getting sick of them and all their flaws. 

Sometimes it struck Daniel as hard as a lightning, bolting through his every vein and leaving him frozen when actually his heart was burning.

It struck him when he was sitting on the couch with Max next to him and a tub of ice-cream in between them. Max would tickle Daniel in his side or clash his spoon against Daniel’s purposefully to stop him from getting more ice-cream. Daniel would eventually take the tub and hold it as far away from Max as possible, enjoying when Max lent over him trying to get it back. He always tried to pout at Daniel, but eventually he would start to laugh as he fell down on Daniel in an attempt to distract him. Once Daniel accidently let go of the tub, and the ice-cream ended up all over the couch and themselves. They had tears in their eyes from laughing.

A lot of times it just struck him in the most random moments. 

When Max would struggle with getting the keys to their apartment out of his pocket, dropping them before he tried to twist them in the wrong way while swearing that “it’s a bullshit door, I want a new one” before laughing about himself and glancing at Daniel sheepishly.

When they went grocery shopping, and none of them had thought about bringing bags with them so they had to try and load everything from the shopping cart onto their arms. Obviously, it ended up with something dropping from their arms after just a few meters and in the end everything ended on the sidewalk, while both of them couldn’t stop themselves from laughing hysterically. Everyone had been looking their way but neither of the two cared. 

They never cared for anyone else when they were with each other. 

Daniel still had the video he took of Max, kneeling on the sidewalk while desperately trying to get the watermelon from rolling down the street. 

Daniel had always loved the little things about Max.

  
  


_We’re the type of melody that don’t fade out_

_Don’t fade out, can’t fade out_

Loving Max was easy for Daniel. Falling into a rhythm with him was easy. Hell, even working out their problems and flaws was easy. Or maybe it just seemed so easy because Daniel really wanted it to be. Because he wanted it to work out with Max, and no effort was ever too much for him. 

It was just right, and Daniel felt that in every bone of his body. 

Max was the right one for him. 

Daniel’s mom always smiled at them fondly whenever they would see her, which was actually only ever on FaceTime, but that was more than enough for Grace to see how special they were, as she said herself. She absolutely adored Max. And when she called him her son-in-law, Max's cheeks turned pink and Daniel beamed first at his mother and then at Max. 

Daniel was so sure his love for this human-being would never fade away.

_Do you remember all those plans_

_that we made after too many drinks_

_In the kitchen of your brother’s apartment?_

They had so many plans. So many ideas for their future, so many things they wanted to do together. It had never felt better to talk about the future with someone, because Daniel was sure that Max would be a part of it. 

They would sit on their balcony, the sun setting behind the ocean and wrapping them in orange and violet tones. They would talk about buying a house, or building one of their own, with everything accustomed to specifically them. They would have a big garden with a pool. Max wanted a natural swimming pool, sort of like a small lake, while Daniel wanted normal one. They settled on something in between. As always. Their house would be white and grey, modern with big window fronts to let the sunlight flood through the rooms. 

Max wanted a dark kitchen, but Daniel preferred a white one because he thought it would be too depressing. So they settled on a white kitchen, but Max got his bathroom in a rich black marble. 

They were in the kitchen of their apartment, while Max sat on the counter as he swung his legs and Daniel danced around in the kitchen to the music he put on. Max laughed at his clumsy movements, and Daniel stepped in between his legs to press a kiss to his lips, while he never stopped humming to the melody. They talked about the parties they would host in their garden with their friends, with a big barbeque and loud music. Dan would be in charge of the cooking, Max of the music. 

“Because not a single soul would show up if you put on your horrendous playlist.”, was Max's argument and he laughed when Daniel shot him an offended look, before leaning in to kiss him gently.

One night, they stumbled home from a club, holding onto each other tightly as they swayed on the sidewalk. They ended up running into a streetlamp and crashed to the floor in a heap. Their carefree laughter echoed through the empty streets and to anyone looking out of their window, they must have looked like absolute drunk idiots. 

Daniel didn’t waste a single second to think about what it looked like to others. All he cared about was Max underneath him, his chest heaving in hoarse laughter as his eyes shone brighter than every star in the night sky above them.

“I will marry you.”, Daniel blurted out, words slurred but it didn’t matter. He meant them. “I will put a ring on that finger, Maxy.”, he mumbled and pressed kisses on Max’ cheek.

Max giggled, and Daniel wished he could save that sound in a bottle to open it anytime he wanted.

“I’m gonna throw up if you don’t get off right now.”, Max answered still laughingly, but his fingers grazed over Daniel’s jaw tenderly.

Daniel didn’t know if Max ever remembered what he got told that night, but Daniel did.

He still knew what he said. He would always remember.

  
  


_When life was like a wishin’ well,_

_4 a.m. and I’m raising hell_

_Damn, I knew you oh so well_

It was pretty clear from the start that neither of them knew how to dance. But that didn’t stop them from doing so, and to be honest, it was one of Daniel’s favorite things about them. When it was early in the morning, and maybe they drank one too many beers or they were just giddy from staying up too late, they put on the music loud while not giving a single crap about their neighbors. - screw them, if they could stomp around like fat elephants than Daniel and Max could put on some music, right? – and just dance through their apartment. Sometimes it would just end up with them falling to the floor in a sweaty but giggling heap or they fell onto the couch, bodies pressed against each other and lips tracing over naked skin.

One night Daniel was determined to teach Max how to dance Waltzer.

Max looked at Daniel and his outstretched hand warily. “You don’t even know how to dance it yourself; how do you want to teach me?”

Daniel grinned and just took Max hand into his to drag him along to the middle of the living room when he didn’t move. ”I know perfectly fine how to dance Waltzer, thank you very much, Maxy.”

Max raised his eyebrows. “You looked it up on wikihow two minutes ago, didn’t you?”

“What? No, I didn’t!”, Daniel claimed, but he couldn’t hide his sheepish smile because he, in fact, had looked it up just now.

“Right.”, Max dragged the word out and his eyes glittered in amusement.

Dan rolled his eyes and took Max’s hand into his while resting the other on his boyfriend’s waist. It still amazed Daniel how, almost two years later, every touch of Max still made his skin tangle pleasantly. He hoped it would never fade.

Max stared at Daniel now expectantly, clearly saying ‘what now?’ without words. 

“Alrighty. So now, if I’m stepping backwards, you will step forwards. You are just following me, yeah?”

Well, it wasn’t quite as easy as it sounded, more than once both of them stepped backwards instead of one following the other. 

“Maxy.”, Dan whined. “You are supposed to follow me, not do it on your own.”

Max laughed at the desperation on Daniel’s face and quickly leaned in to ghost his lips over Dan’s. “I’m sorry, you take the lead.”

Max did follow the lead of Daniel then, however only slowly because at least one of them managed to screw it up. 

“Oh my god, why the fuck is this so hard? Backwards, right step, forwards, left step. Repeat.”, Daniel furrowed his eyebrows and stared at Max who couldn’t help his hysterical laughter. 

Max fell to the ground once Daniel let go of him and laughed so hard that eventually, he could only wheeze anymore while tears started to escape the corner of his eyes. Daniel really wanted to stay annoyed at the fact that Max didn’t seem to take this serious in any way, but his laugh had always been too damn infectious to Dan and so he couldn’t fight the smile forming on his face as he watched his boyfriend rob over to the couch and pull himself onto it.

“What’s so funny about this?”

Max snorted as he tried to calm down and wiped his palm over his face to get rid of the tears. “I don’t know, it’s just…us?”, Max managed to get out before making some noise in the back of his throat that Daniel couldn’t even label as he walked over and looked down onto Max.

“I wish we filmed it.”, Max continued to giggle as he wrapped his arms around Daniel’s waist and pulled him into his lap. Dan sighed as he wrapped an arm around Max shoulder.

“I don’t think Waltzer is our thing, my love.”, Max smiled and continued rubbing patterns over Daniels leg. Max always called him ‘my love’ and Daniel wasn’t even going to deny that it still made his heart flutter.

“Our wedding is gonna be a disaster.”, Dan complained, but there was no sharpness to his voice. He was kind of distracted by the softness in Max’ eyes.

“Well, at least we will have something to laugh about then.”, Max whispered against Daniel’s neck before placing kisses on the skin. “Otherwise it would be boring.”

Daniel smiled. “Nothing is ever boring if we are involved.”

“Damn right.”

_We had our moments, didn’t we?_

_So much that we will never be_

  
  


If Daniel had to use a word to describe their relationship, it would have probably been carefree. Or maybe easy-going. Although Max wasn’t easy at times. Not when he had his bad days, when he wouldn’t leave his bed all day or when he refused to eat anything. Not when he got angry over small things and didn’t talk to Daniel for hours. Not when he put up his walls and closed himself off completely. 

But Daniel knew that he himself wasn’t always easy either. He knew that sometimes he was too much, too over-the-top cheerful and too loud. He had days where he didn’t want anyone around him, too. But they figured it out as always, knew when to leave each other space and when to stay.

They just came out stronger afterwards.

And if one thing made it all worth it to Daniel afterwards, then it was Max’ laugh. Daniel could’ve gotten drunk on that sound. That infectious, hoarse laugh that made Daniel’s heart stutter just a little bit each time and he swore that he would always do anything to pull it out of Max again. 

The way Max would bite his lip to attempt holding his laughter in - although he always failed -, how his eyes got squinted while sparkling so stunningly and how his dimples stood out. It was so beautiful; Daniel wouldn’t have ever been able to tear away his eyes from it. 

He couldn’t count how many videos he had of Max laughing or smiling. They'd never fail to make Daniel’s heart feel lighter.

His favorite was the video of Daniel chasing Max through their apartment, the video was shaky and at times you weren’t able to see anything but a blurry mess from Dan holding his phone in his hands while running.

“No! Stop, I didn’t do it!”, Max yelled while he jumped over the couch, but the mischievous glint in his eyes would have given away his lie if Daniel didn’t already know.

“You little devil! Those were my Kinder Bons!”, Daniel ran after Max in an attempt to tackle him, but to his disadvantage Max was quick as he kept on running away while jumping over anything in the way like a gazelle. 

“I’m the one who got them for you!”, Max yelled over his shoulder when he ran into the kitchen, but he quickly realized that that had been a mistake, because there wasn’t a way to get out of there without running into Daniel.

“Fuck.”, Max breathed out, panting but still giggling as he had hovered behind the counter in the middle of the kitchen.

“Ha! Now you gotta pay for eating _my Kinder_ bons.”

Max laughed and tried to hint a false maneuver, but Daniel was smart enough to not fall for the trick and eventually caught Max, wrapping his arms around his small waist before tearing him to the ground. Max let out a wail of surprise before laughing even harder, even when Daniel landed on top of him. The phone slipped out of Daniel’s hand, the footage only dark from the camera facing the floor, but it still recorded the audio.

“Stop, stop, I can’t breathe.”, Max choked out after Daniel’s ruthless tickling, who just smiled fondly.  
“Yeah? Are you sorry for eating my chocolate?”, Daniel stopped his fingers but let them hover over Max’ sides as a threat. “Say you’re sorry, or I’m not stopping.”

Max bent his head back in laughter. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry!"

“But-but…”, Max then gasped out, and Daniel eyed him warily. 

“But what, Maxy?”

“But if you would have given me the chance…”, Max started, before he had to breathe in deeply again. “to say something, then I would have been able to tell you that that wasn’t the last package of Kinder Bons.”

Daniel’s eyes widened. “Really?”

Max snorted while rolling his eyes dramatically. “Yes.”

“I love you!”, Daniel exclaimed and lent down to place overexaggerated kisses on Max’ jaw. 

“Wow, you only love me because I got you Kinder Bons. Alright, okay, I’ll remember that.”, Max playfully pouted and attended to push Daniel off his chest, but without success.

“That’s not true, I love you! Love, love, love… you.”

He punctuated every word with an open-mouthed kiss to Max’ neck who started to giggle again, squirming around in order to get away without actually wanting to. 

“I love you too.”

_Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I love you?_

_Didn’t we, didn’t we, didn’t we fly?_

“You are avoiding me.”

Daniel heard Max stop from where he was tiptoeing into the kitchen behind his back and then a quiet sigh. “I’m not.”

Daniel didn’t turn around to look at Max when he eventually walked over to the couch, but he didn’t sit down next to Daniel.

“You are.”, Daniel said and looked up to where Max set down on the armrest of the couch chair, but Max didn’t meet his eyes and instead fiddled with the sleeve of his jeans jacket.

The silence between them was unsettling. It had never been like this ever before. They had always talked about things that bothered them, but suddenly it felt like both of them tried to do anything to avoid bringing up the issue. 

Last night Max got home when it was already past midnight, the only text Daniel got from him earlier was a short ‘out with George and Alex’. No heart, no nothing. 

The text sounded just the way everything seemed to feel these last days. Hollow. 

Daniel pretended to be asleep when Max got home and kept his eyes firmly closed when Max quietly crawled into bed beside him. If he noticed that Daniel faked it, he didn’t comment on it. He also didn’t cuddle up to Daniel’s side and instead just turned over to lay at the edge of their bed, and the space in between felt like a million miles rather than just a meter. However, Daniel could have sworn the felt a faint brush over his cheek at some point, the touch barely ghosting over his skin right before he fell asleep. Maybe he only imagined it.

“It’s about what I asked you, isn’t it?”, Daniel asked, and he was surprised about the way his voice sounded so calm and steady, when he felt anything but that. 

“No it’s not, I’m just busy and-“

Daniel cut Max off sharply. “Cut the bullshit, Max.”

Max swallowed and finally looked up to meet Daniel’s eyes as he closed his mouth. His face didn’t give any emotions and thoughts away, and Daniel instantly knew that Max put up his walls again. The one it took him so long to tear down completely, bit by bit, and now it’s back in the matter of seconds. It feels like a punch to Daniel’s stomach, one that blows him a huge step back.

“I talked to Alex and George. You weren’t with them last night, so where were you? Why did you lie to me?”

Max furrowed his eyebrows. “I- what the fuck? So now you’re stalking everything I do!?"

“I ran into Alex accidently today, and I just asked him how your night out was. He had no idea what I was talking about, and neither did George. Who were you with then?”

Max’ face twisted into something Daniel couldn’t entirely place, but he knew that he was cornering Max. And Max couldn’t stand that at all, never had. 

“No one! Why does it matter?”, Max shot back, his voice louder than before. Daniel couldn’t stop himself from rising his own, despite knowing better. He didn’t want this to turn into an argument, he really didn’t, but suddenly it felt like everything that happened these last days, hell, maybe even _weeks_ , came crashing down on him after he tried so hard to keep his cool.

“Why it matters? It matters because you _lied_ to me! We have never lied to each other before, Max, so why now? Who were you with?”, Daniel asked again, and each time he asked that question and Max just ignored it, it made his heart clench tighter.

“It’s not that big of a deal, really.”

“It is!”, Daniel almost yelled and he closed his eyes for a second, trying to calm himself down again but the angry heat pooling in his stomach didn’t settle. It only seemed to burn more.

“It was Charles, okay?! Are you happy now?”, Max shot back and for a moment it seemed like he regretted admitting to it. 

Charles. Daniel probably should have known. Charles was Max’s best friend, and in the beginning, he sometimes had the feeling that there might have been more between the two of them, but Max had always denied that. 

“Charles,”, Daniel repeated, voice calm now although he felt like a storm was raging inside of him. “And why couldn’t you just tell me that? Instead of making up a whole lie and going behind my back?”

Max sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “I-I don’t know. I guess I thought you wouldn’t like it when I hang out with him the whole night and- “

“I would rather know that you spent the night with Charles than know that you lied to me.”, Daniel interrupts once again and his voice sounds sharper than he actually intended to. 

“How many times before has that happened? What about Tuesday night? Were you with him too, and not out with some colleagues like you said?” 

Max eyes widened, and that was really all Daniel needed to know the answer. He let his head sink into his hands. This is not how he wanted his Friday evening to go. Actually, he had planned to take Max out for dinner tonight. He had even booked them a place on the balcony with view over the ocean. It was the restaurant that they had their first ever date at but now he had no intentions of going there with Max. 

He had missed the glimmer in Max's eyes lately, had missed seeing him laugh as openhearted as he used to and Daniel wanted to take a little weight off his shoulders and see him that untroubled again.

He really didn’t think that their conversation would go like this.

“And what were you and Charles up to, what was it that I wasn’t allowed to know?”, he looked up again and he knew that his next words shouldn’t leave his mouth, that he didn’t actually believe that, but still they did. “Is there something going on with the two of you?”

Max gaped at him for a moment, as a variety of emotions flashed over his face. Shock, disbelieve, anger, hurt. Daniel didn’t think that Max had the right to be one who was hurt.

“You think- you didn’t just- fuck, oh my god.”, Max laughed, but it sounded all too forced and bitter as he shot up from his place on the armrest. “I didn’t- I wouldn’t ever _cheat_ on you, you know that!”

Daniel got up too and followed Max as he walked over to the kitchen.

Once more, he knew what he should have said. 

_I’m sorry, I know you didn’t. Sorry, please let’s talk and fix this._

Instead, his next words were spat out like poison. “Just like I know that you wouldn’t ever lie to me? Yeah, we saw how that went.”

Max leaned his elbows onto the counter in the kitchen and groaned into his hands. “You’re not serious, you can’t be fucking serious.”

“Yes, I am fucking serious.”

Max breathed in deeply before looking at Daniel, his eyes looked a lot darker in the dim light than usually. 

“This is still about Australia, right? We talked about this-“

“No, we didn’t. I asked you a question but we didn’t talk about it because _apparently_ we don’t do that anymore. Instead, we just cheat on each other and lie and-“, Daniel snarled, but this time it was Max who interrupted him.

“One last time, I did _not_ cheat on you and I already said that I do not want to move to Australia!”

“You didn’t even think about Australia!”, Daniel yelled and by now, he was sure that their upstairs neighbors could hear them, especially because the kitchen window was open, and Daniel knew that it was directly underneath their neighbors balcony door. And that was always opened, too. But he didn’t care for a single second. Fuck them, fuck everything here.

“I thought about it enough to know I don’t want to move there! Why does it have to be Australia?!”, Max’ eyes were lit up with anger, and there it was, that look on his face that said _dare come too close to me and I’ll burn you to ashes on the ground._

But Daniel wasn’t afraid of fire, he was a force of his own. 

“Because it’s my home.”

“And Monaco is mine!”, Max yelled back, before lowering his voice just a bit. “I don’t want to live in Australia”

Daniel slammed his hands onto the counter. “Guess what, and I don’t want to live in Monaco! Fuck, why is this so hard for you to try and see things from my perspective for once? You don’t give a shit about what I want because you always get everything your way, no matter what!”

“That’s not true-“

“It damn right is! Can’t I expect some understanding and consideration from you for once?”

Daniel chuckled bitterly then, tugging at his curls till it hurt. He wanted to feel that little relief of pain. “But I guess that’s what I get for dating a _child._ ”

He could watch the exact moment, the exact second, that his words hit Max. He watched as he flinched even if ever just so lightly, the way he leaned back and pressed his lips together before looking away.

“Right.”, Max eventually forced out, quiet but immensely bitter. “Well, I guess this isn’t working anymore.”

Daniel blinked. It was dead silent in the apartment, in between them. He almost wanted to look at the clock, to see if time actually stopped as he felt his heart crack into a thousand pieces, beyond the hope of repair. But he knew it didn’t, knew that the clock kept working forwards. His heart kept beating too, but every time it did, it shattered further. 

“What?”, he croaked, voice a bit too high. 

“You heard me. It’s not working, hasn’t been for some while now, don’t tell me you didn’t notice. You want to date someone else, someone who isn’t an immature child, I get it, it’s fine.”

“I-“, Daniel started before groaning frustratedly. “See, this is exactly what I mean! Why can’t we just normally talk about it, why do you have to complicate everything?”

“Oh, I complicate everything?!"

“Yes, you do!”

“Fuck you, Daniel. You don’t want to live here? Fine, go piss off to your precious Australia! Go date someone who isn’t a child, or fuck a kangaroo, I don’t give a shit!”

Daniel huffed out a breath and bit his tongue till he could taste the metallic taste of blood.

“You know what? Maybe I will to exactly that. _I’m done with this_.”, he spat and turned around to grab his jacket from the armchair in the living room. He couldn't stand being in there any longer. 

“You are done with this? Good, because I’m too! Get out.”

Daniel turned around furiously. “I expected more of you, I really did.”

Max glared at him, his eyes shooting daggers and his voice colder than ice. “I don’t care. Get the fuck out if you don't want to live here. _Leave."_

And Daniel did.

The door fell into the lock with a crash behind him and suddenly, Max was alone.

And he couldn’t blame Daniel, after all it was Max who told him to go.

But maybe he just wished that Daniel would have turned around, hugged him tight and whispered. “We got this, we will be alright.”

Instead, Daniel walked right out of the door, taking Max’s bleeding heart with him.

_Know that, know that I still care for you_

_But didn’t we, didn’t we say goodbye?_

Their apartment is empty.

Not only because suddenly, every hoodie and jeans that used to hang over the couch or the armchair is gone and the CD’s on the shelves are too, but because there is no energy in any of the rooms anymore.

It’s drained of all its color and warmness.

It’s empty, cold and nothing Max ever imagined his apartment would feel like. Nothing he ever wanted it to feel like. 

For some reason – traitorous hope, but he wouldn’t admit that – he still calls out his name.

“Daniel?”

Nothing. It’s quiet, unnervingly so. He can hear their upstairs neighbors walking around, can hear a door out on the corridor of the complex falling close and a car honking in the streets underneath. 

He hears everything but the one thing he wants to hear. Daniel’s voice. That warm, rich sound that made Max feel lighter when he feels like his lungs are caving in, that makes him relax in an instant.

He tiptoes to the bedroom. Tiptoes, because he weirdly feels like he is intruding a flat that’s not his own, like it’s not his place to be here.

Everything is oddly tidied up and put into place. The bedsheets look like they might even be new. The shelves that used to be stuffed with Daniel’s things are empty. 

Max is almost afraid to open the closet, but when he does, he freezes. Daniel’s clothes are gone, all of them. He wants to break down right then, right there. But he doesn’t, and he has no idea himself how, but he turns around to look at the desk that is just as neatly cleaned as the rest of the room. Even the pens are in an almost scarily accurate lined-up order. Max never does that, he always just throws his pen somewhere onto the desk once he is done. 

The bathroom is the same play; it’s empty. Some towels are gone, all of Daniel’s wash lotions and perfumes are too. The towel with the customized lion imprinted on it is still hanging over the heater; it was one of Daniel’s Christmas gift to Max. The little photo of them that used to be stuck to the frame of Daniel’s mirror got ripped off. Some of the glue didn’t come off and is now evident.

With each step he takes further, with each belonging of Daniel that’s no longer there, his heart sinks deeper and deeper. 

Walking through the living room, he faintly realizes that some pictures on the commode underneath the TV screen are gone, and it stings in Max’ heart when he doesn’t even remember which pictures exactly are missing. 

All he knows is that they are, and it _hurts._

His eyes flicker around the room till they fall onto something that makes his heart skip a beat before it starts drumming quickly.

With trembling hands he reaches for the folded piece of paper that’s laying in the middle of their coffee table.

Black on white, the same familiar handwriting.

**You were right, this isn’t working anymore.**

**Goodbye.**

Max never knew that a human’s heart could ache this much, could shatter into so many pieces. 

Daniel is gone. 

He left. The apartment, Monaco, Max. Just like that.

Because of Max. Because he was hurt and lashed out, because that’s what he always does. He took it out on Daniel, the person he never wanted to cause any harm.

And if Max ever knew that losing someone could hurt so, so badly he never would have given his heart away.

_Tell me why good things have to die_

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh this didn't turn out as I had it in mind but I'm too lazy to rewrite it
> 
> Actually I wanted to write a second chapter in which they meet each other again a year or so after they break-up and they'd find out that they still love each other... but I'm somehow really not inspired anymore, maybe some day I'll get back to it
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated, much love to ya guys <3


	2. I still love you

9 months.

That’s how long it’s been since Daniel last saw Max, last talked to him. And the last time they talked wasn’t nice. God, Daniel regrets all the things he said in his anger and hurt, regrets packing his things right after and flying back to Australia without even saying anything.

He only left one simple note.  _ You were right, this isn’t working anymore. Goodbye. _

When the truth is, they could have made it work again. They could have sat down on the Saturday after, could have talked about it without all the yelling and accusations. But instead, Max went to work an extra shift on Saturday so he wouldn’t have to face him, and Daniel used that time to pack all his things and stuff them into two big bags before heading off to the first flight to Australia.

He still remembers the look on his mom’s face when she picked him up from the airport – he barely even remembered to call her that he is coming home. She was happy of course, but she expected for Daniel  _ and Max _ to come. He fell into her welcoming arms, almost started to cry right then and there at the airport but he held it together. She looked behind him as her eyes scanned the airport. 

“Where’s Max, honey? Don’t tell me you lost him after getting off the plane.”, Grace smiled, but it quickly faded when she saw the look on Daniel’s face. He was barely able to look into her eyes and instead loaded his bags onto their rover, and he knew that Grace eyed them warily.

“We broke up.”, is all Daniel managed to press out and, fuck, speaking these words out loud hurt even worse.

9 months.

That’s how long Daniel has been missing a certain Dutch boy with dirty-blonde hair, ocean blue eyes and wicked smile for. It’s ridiculous, really, that he is still thinking of his ex that long after. If any of his friends knew, they would think he is pathetic. Although Daniel is sometimes convinced that they know. His mom for sure does. He can’t recall all the talks she has had with him over that time, how many times she tried to talk sense into him. But Daniel has always been stubborn, too much for his own good. 

A week after arriving in Australia, it was 4.a.m. and Daniel was sitting in the kitchen. He only tossed and turned in his bed, and eventually decided to get up despite having zero rest. That’s not how he imagined coming home to Australia would feel like. Probably because he always thought that Max would be by his side and now it felt wrong that he wasn’t. 

Did Max feel as lonely in his bed in Monaco? Or was he enjoying it? 

Daniel flinched when suddenly someone switched on the dim lamp on the table beside the door. His mom walked in, not looking the least bit surprised when she saw her son sitting in darkness on one of the stools. She just set up a coffee for both of them, and neither talked until they were sitting across from each other. Grace’ eyes scanned him, and Daniel felt like squirming in his seat.

“You still haven’t told me what happened.”, Grace then said, and Daniel sighed. He knew he couldn’t just not tell his mom, and he wanted to because she always managed to comfort him, but he also knew what she would tell him; that he is an idiot and should try to make things right with Max. And he wanted that too, but he didn’t know how. 

He ran a hand through his messy curls and stared into his coffee like it was the first time he has ever seen something like it. “We had a fight. That’s all.”

Grace rolled her eyes; Daniel just knew she did without even looking up. “That’s all? What was the fight about?”

“I asked him if he wanted to move to Australia with me. And that’s when all hell broke loose, I guess. He started to avoid me, stayed nights out and lied about who he was with more than once.”, Daniel took in a deep breath, still stirring in his coffee. “And after I found out about that, I confronted him on Friday night.”

He sighs shakily, replaying all of their fight over and over. “I said some bad things that I shouldn’t have said, mom. And then he told me to leave, ‘to go piss off to my precious Australia and fuck a kangaroo’ or something”, he had to smile despite it all because that sentence is just so  _ Max _ and shook his head. “…and I did. He wasn’t home on Saturday…and I packed all of my stuff and left.”

When he finally gathered the courage to look over at his mom, she stared at him with a sad smile.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t fix this anymore, Dan. People say hurtful things when they are angry, and that doesn’t mean it’s okay, but it is forgivable.”, she reached over the table to take his hand, her thumb stroking over the rose tattooed on his skin. “Please promise me you will talk to Max, okay?”

Daniel didn’t promise her. He knew he would have to break that promise, and he didn’t want that.

“I will try, mom.”

Only he didn’t. 

9 months.

That’s how long Daniel has been pretending that he is over it, that he could be over it. He tried to leave it behind him, but Max was always spooking around somewhere in his mind. It got better over time; he eventually didn’t think about him every day anymore. But at some point, he always got back to thinking about him. Daniel knew that that wasn’t normal, hell he never ever thought about any of his ex-partners that long before. Deep in his heart he knew that Max has never been just some partner, and never would be just some ex-partner.

Some foolish part of him thought that he just needed someone else to get over Max. And so he got on with other people, sometimes just one-night stands that didn’t mean anything to him at all. And he didn’t want to say that all the people he met weren’t it for him, and he even thought that the Daniel before could have had something serious with them. But that was the Daniel before Max. And now all he could think about was that  _ they don’t make him feel the way Max did.  _ It was unfair to everyone involved, he knew it was, and he felt guilty for it, but he was so desperate to try and fill that hole in his chest. It didn’t work, of course it didn’t. 

One day, they stood in the driveway, Daniel and a girl that might have been it for him  _ before.  _ She wasn’t angry, it was almost like she understood all of it. He still remembers what she said to him before she drove off. “I don’t want to date someone who wishes he was still dating someone else.”

And he remembers that he turned around, and if he wasn’t already feeling numb enough, he saw his mom waiting at the door at him. She looked at him immensely unhappy. 

“I may not know everything about Max and you, good or bad, but I do know…you were happier with him.”

Daniel didn’t reply anything to that, he simply walked past her because otherwise he would have broken-down in front of her. 

Replacing Max never worked, it never could have.

9 months and 2 weeks.

13 th of April. That’s the first day Daniel’s world comes tumbling down once again, only he doesn’t even know at that time. 

“Here, for you.”, his mum puts an envelope onto the desk in front of him at dinner after she got the mail from outside. Daniel looks up at Grace who only shrugs her shoulders before he takes the envelope into his hands and turns it to look at the return address.

_ Aston Martin, Red Bull Racing Factory _

The place both him and Max worked at for a few years without even knowing each other. No wonder, the quarters in Monaco are way too big to know everyone who works there.

Surprised he opens the letter in the noble design, eyes flying over the sheet.

It’s an invitation to a promoting event in Perth next weekend. 

“What is it?”, Grace asks when she sees the surprised look on her son’s face. 

“An invitation to an Aston Martin event. Why would they invite me over, I left almost a year ago.”, he looks up to Grace, who leans onto the counter of the kitchen with a thoughtful look on her face and for just a second, he could swear that he saw a small smile tugging at her lips, but it’s gone before he can wonder any further about it. 

“I don’t know. Maybe they just want to catch up with you – you left from one day to the other after all.”

Daniel nods slowly as he looks down at the paper in his hands again. He remembers how awful those phone calls and various mails were where he had to explain that he suddenly left and won’t work for them anymore.

“Will you go?”, his mum suddenly asks and rips him from his thoughts again. He shoots her a questioning look. 

“I don’t know.”, he mumbles. Aston Martin is part of his old life in Monaco, the life with Max. That’s in the past – or at least he wants it to be.

“I think you should go.”, Grace proposes then, a careful tone in her voice that confuses Daniel. “Maybe it would do you some good to get out of here for a little bit and catch up with some old colleagues.” 

Daniel stares at the invitation and then at his Mom, contemplating on what to do. Maybe his mum is right – an evening out in Perth wouldn’t hurt him, right? He can’t even recall the last time he got away from the farm, besides for some hiking with his friends. He can’t keep on ignoring the world just because something might remind him of Max. 

He gives his mum a small smile and sees some sort of relief flashing over her face for a moment. “Yeah, I think I’ll go.”

9 months, 2 weeks and 3 days. 

That equals 6.384 hours and a lot of these were spent by Daniel thinking about this one question that didn’t want to leave his mind.  _ What would it be like to see Max again? _

He asked himself this question time and time again, while he was out hording the sheep or while riding his dirt-bike, while sitting with his parents at dinner or, mostly, when he lay in bed wide awake despite the late hours. He never got to a conclusion or an outcome. There were too many possibilities and if Daniel is being honest, he has no idea how he would react himself. 

But he has an answer to his question now.

6.384 hours, matching 383.040 minutes.

If someone asked Daniel before what he thinks can happen in one single minute, he would have probably said ‘not that much’

Truth is, one minute is enough to make someone’s world crash, to take everything they knew and turn it upside down.

Actually, it takes only about two seconds to pull the rug underneath Daniel’s feet.

Two seconds for Daniel to catch sight of dirty blonde hair, to watch as the dimmed but colorful lights catch strong facial features and reflect themselves in turquoise blue eyes. 

His heart misses a beat before jolting unsteadily. No, this cannot be happening. Nope, not today, not after all these months that felt like 9 days and 9 years at the same time.

Because despite all the time that passed, Daniel still doesn’t know how to handle it. 

So he does the very first thing his instincts tell him; to turn around and run away, so he doesn’t have to face it. So he doesn’t have to face Max.

Max. Live and in the flesh, right in the same room as Daniel and not just a wishful imagination in his brain anymore. Not just a memory from the past anymore, no, this is the present. 

His hair is a bit longer, just the way Daniel always told him would look the best – and he was right about that – and even a little darker. The black suits fits him perfectly, still the same slim but muscled thighs, still the same small waist and broad shoulders that Daniel loved to wrap his arms around. 

Still the same hoarse laughter and energetic fingers drumming against the champagne flute in between them. 

It’s still Max, but it’s not  _ his  _ Max anymore.

Daniel rips his eyes away and stumbles backwards, almost running into some other guest, but he barely remembers to apologize to the woman before he is running off. 

The fresh night air hits him as he stumbles out of the front door of the building, not bothering to say goodbye to anyone. He can’t spend a single second longer in that hall.

He breathes in deeply as he walks across the parking lot that’s full of cars – he himself got here with an uber and for some reason he is glad right now because his jute would have definitely stood out in between all these expensive cars. He barely reached the sidewalk that leads back to the main road, when suddenly someone calls his name.

“Daniel!”

He freezes in place, knows exactly who that voice belongs to, of course he does. He listens as quick footsteps approach him while his heart starts hammering in chest. Despite his mind screaming ‘run off, don’t look at him, don’t do it’ he turns around, slowly, and just in time to see as Max hesitantly stops running and eventually comes to a halt a few meters away from Daniel. And weirdly enough, this time it truly does feel like time stops for a moment, just like back then when they broke up. But this time it’s different, this time his heart isn’t falling apart. Instead, it’s as if someone just put a missing piece back into place, and Daniel swallows.

He stares at Max, takes in the way the dim light of the streetlamp dips the ends of his hair into golden strands and the fact that his suit isn’t actually black but a beautiful deep green.

Daniel’s heart clenches when Max’s lips curl up into a small smile. “Hey.”

The simplicity of it all almost makes Daniel want to start laughing, because not a single one of the scenarios he had in mind ever played out like this. But it seems that the universe always has a surprise up its sleeve. He doesn’t laugh, instead he whispers “Hi.”, and he wonders if Max even heard it, but judging by the way Max starts to come closer and the shy grin on his face, he did hear it.

“Will you show me Perth?”

Daniel gapes like a fish for a second, taken aback and he suddenly wonders if he needs to get his ears checked. “I- what?”

Max chuckles then, and a light blush creeps onto his cheeks – god, how much Daniel missed seeing that. “Remember when you told me that you were going to show me Perth? I think you even made a whole list of all the places you wanted to take me to.”

Daniel huffs quietly but he can’t help the smile forming on his face. Of course he remembers the list, how would he forget all the hours he spent thinking about which places he wanted to show Max and researching a bit about them. He is sure that he still has the list somewhere at home, buried deep inside one of the cartons he never unpacked and left in the furthest away corner of his closet. 

His head tells him to say no, because seriously, why and how does Max always storm into his life like a hurricane, turning every table and rock and everything Daniel has ever known and then make Daniel chase after him? But his heart, that traitor, makes him say “Yeah.”, with a shaky voice and he grins when the smile on Max’s face widens. Daniel doesn’t know what the universe is trying to do here, or where his heart is leading him, but he decides to follow its lead.

And so he walks next to Max through the streets of Perth, grinning at the almost childlike excitement on Max’s face when Daniel points his finger and shows him something. They’re not the only people who are still strolling through the night despite the late hour, but it’s somewhat peaceful and Daniel feels  _ normal,  _ as if something shifted back into its place that he can’t quite figure out yet but it makes him feel so at ease that at one point, he almost reaches out to hold Max’s hands out of habit and he has to restrain himself from doing it again. Max asks him about ten times “Where are we going?”, like a little kid would in the back of the car during a road-trip, and Daniel just smiles every time and tells him to wait.

“You know, when I asked you to show me Perth, I didn’t mean that you should take me on a whole safari.”, Max grumbles as they climb up the hill. “Besides, where are the damn Kangaroos?”

Daniel laughs out loud and in the back of his mind he wonders when the last time he truly felt this carefree and relaxed was. He shoves that thought away again and instead turns around to look at Max. 

“Max, we are in the middle of Perth. There aren’t any kangaroos around.”, he muses and chuckles when Max stares at him with a pout. “Seriously? This is so not worth it then.”

Daniel huffs out a breath and reaches out a hand to help Max when he almost stumbles over one of the stairs. “It will be worth it, you’ll see.”, he says, and it comes out more softly than he intended it to. Max glances at him, a faint blush settling on his cheeks again. 

It doesn’t take too long until they finally get to the more lit up area and Daniel turns around with a grin on his face as he spreads his arms out. “Welcome to Kings Park.”

Max looks stunned as they walk through the neat park that’s lit up by small and colorful lights and a few fireplaces. The air smells like night, freshly cut grass and like wildflowers and the sweetness is almost intoxicating. There is only very few people around, mostly tourists, and Daniel is glad for that, especially when he sees the spot to overlook the City is empty, too. He hops onto the railing at the front and doesn’t look over when he feels Max do the same next to him.

“Wow.”, Max breathes out and Daniel still doesn’t dare to look at him. For some reason it only truly hits him now that this is  _ real.  _ That he is really sitting here with Max, watching the glimmering lights of the city underneath them, of Perth, the place Daniel always dreamt of taking Max to. He pinches himself in the thigh to make sure he isn’t just dreaming, it wouldn’t be the first time. Nothing, he doesn’t wake up and instead he just feels the slight sting of the pinch in his leg. 

“I get it now; why you always wanted to take me here. It’s beautiful.”, Max quietly says after some time, and this time Daniel does turn his head to Max.

He takes in how his hair is lit up in golden strands at some parts from the light, how perfectly the emerald green of his suit compliments his eyes and pale skin and how deeply calm Max looks as he gazes over the city lights. Then his eyes find Daniel’s and he smiles slightly.

“I’m sorry.”, Max says before Daniel has the chance to say the exact same thing. “For everything I said back then, you were right about the whole thing with moving here. I didn’t want to because…”, Max pauses and takes in a deep breath, eyes wandering to stare at his fiddling fingers. “I was scared, I guess. Monaco was the first place I really could call my home, and I thought- I felt like you were suddenly trying to take it away from me and I couldn’t deal with that. I know you weren’t but – you know how I can get. I should have been more considerate about it. I know you wanted to leave Monaco as badly as I didn’t want to.”, he chuckles lightly then and Daniel thinks about saying something, but Max is already talking again. 

“That’s why I met up with Charles that often. I asked him for help, what I should do because I didn’t want to lose you. And then I went ahead and did exactly that.”, he huffs out a breath, gazing over the city again without meeting Daniel’s eyes once.

“I didn’t cheat on you Daniel. Not with Charles, not with anyone else.”, this time Max does look over at Daniel, who feels like Max’s honest eyes can stare right into his soul. 

Daniel nods and swallows. “I guess I owe you an apology, too. I never really believed that you cheated on me, I don’t know what I was thinking to be honest. I guess it was just really bad timing and everything that came together made us say things we didn’t mean.  _ I  _ said things I didn’t mean and that you didn’t deserve to hear either. And I shouldn’t have just left the day after. I’m sorry.”

He watches Max smile at his next sentence. “My mom thought I lost you at the airport when I came here alone.”

Daniel wants to say something else when suddenly, voices get loud behind them and he turns around to find a group of people coming towards them – tourists. He sighs and swings his legs over the railing as he pulls Max with him. 

“Come on, let’s go.”

They walk a little until Daniel shoves Max to the side, earning a “oof” from the Dutchman before Daniel starts taking off in a sprint. 

“Last one to get to the glass bridge has to jump into one of the fountains with frogs in them!”

“What?!, Max yells behind him, but Dan can hear by the fast footsteps hollering around that Max started running too. “I don’t even know where that is!”

“Woopsi!”, Daniel laughs and keeps on running, not giving one single crap that he is probably scaring off a bunch of birds or other small animals around the park.

They keep on running and running and frankly, Daniel weirdly feels like he could go on forever. Like in right of this moment, the universe around them stopped for a little while and there is only Max and Daniel racing through the park like little kids, only the moon and the stars watching fondly.

Eventually, they do reach the Glass Bridge with view over the Swan River, Daniel being the first one and he lets out a triumphant “Ki ki ki ey ey!”

Max comes to a halt next to him, completely out of breath as he leans down to rest his hands against his knees. “That’s… so…unfair.”

Daniel keeps on laughing as he drags Max with him, both arms wrapped around him as the younger one struggles in his merciless hold. “No! That’s unfair, you cheated, you cheated!”

Daniel only laughs louder as he stops in front of the fountain, ready to throw Max into it.

“Go say hi to the frogs, they’ve been missing their look-alike anyway.”

With that he manages to push Max inside without falling in himself. Max yelps loudly as the water splashes out of the well and Daniel thinks he might piss his pants from laughing so much at the sight of Max sitting frozen in the water, dripping wet all around.

“You fucker.”, Max growls and before Daniel has the chance to jump away, Max is already splashing the water at him. Daniel shrieks.

“Oh my god, that is actually so cold, ew!”

Max manages to waddle over to get out of the fountain, and the shit-eating grin on his face makes Daniel only more vary as he walks over. “I know, right? Why don’t you give me a hug?”

“No!”, Daniel yells but Max is already clinging onto him and Daniel cringes at the wet fabric of Max’s suit that's now soaking his own. And if he is being honest, the water kind of reeks. Maybe there were really some frogs in there.

They stumble and fall onto the grass, laying next to each other as they start laughing hysterically and Daniel wonders if the tourists around are thinking of them as complete maniacs. 

He doesn't care, wouldn't ever be able to get himself to do so when Max right next to him and his familiar hoarse laughter sounds like a melody on its own. Daniel finds himself watching Max. 

Max, who looks absolutely gorgeous in the dim lights of the lamp a few meters away, eyes reflecting seemingly every single star above them when he looks over to find Daniel's and his face lit up in the widest, most carefree smile. 

Max, who felt as guilty about their break-up as Daniel did, who admitted he had never wanted to lose Daniel.

Max, who now still looks at Daniel with the same love and fondness as he did back then. 

And Daniel - Daniel has never been good at thinking his actions through, not when it comes to his feelings at least, and so his mind doesn't even get to catch up with his body when he leans over and captures Max's lips with his. 

It's tender and soft, lips just barely touching and for a moment Daniel's heart feels like it's made out of the thinnest, most breakable glass - until he feels Max pressing himself further into his touch. 

Daniel pulls back and sits up, suddenly overwhelmed by his own emotions and rapidly beating heart. He stares at Max and his stunned expression, cheeks tainted a faint blush and Daniel wishes he could take a photo of him and keep it with him forever. To keep this memory of them, sitting on the evergreen grass of Kings Park with their clothes soaked in reeking pond water, the stars and moon above them shining down and their eyes widened, so full of fondness. 

Daniel says the first thing on his mind, the only thing that's been on his mind these past nine months one way or another. 

"I still love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooow look at me, two months after I promised a second chapter I'm finally posting it lol
> 
> is this the final chapter? Who knows, who knows... :)
> 
> Much love, as always i hope you are doing great <3


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